Movie Review: X-Men 3

Frequently, Martin will go to the movies. We collect his thoughts on these ventures for a little section we like to call...

Rant at the Screen

Today's movie is X-Men 3. Since it's been out for about a month, I figure anybody who would be worried about spoilers will have seen it already. So please, consider this movie to be spoiler-loaded, and incredibly biased.

X-3 continues the delightful story of a group of powered social outcasts dealing with the loss of a teammate, group bonding, as well as a new cure for mutants. Director Brett Ratner said in interviews that he really wanted to follow previous X-Movie director Bryan Singer, and really not make this one too much in his own style. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it has done absolutely nothing for this film.

The movie goes through the motions of what an X-Movie could be about, but gets caught up in the effort of trying to be cool or dramatic. There is no timing, no pathos, no draw or meaningful revelations set down by our characters. The movie becomes 'Wolverine and his Uncanny Friends, featuring Storm' very early on.

Of the returning characters among the heroes, the strongest roles once again come down to Professor X and Wolverine. Storm is expanded into a major character at the cost of Cyclops, who is almost entirely cut out of the movie by his character's death at the hands of the reborn Phoenix (Jean Gray to you movie-watchers). I'll deal with Phoenix in her own paragraph later. Cyclops doesn't make it out of the first reel, but manages to convey emotion more steadily than ANY other character in the film. Second to him in the believability department is Professor X, who is similarly offed. This leaves Wolverine to carry the emotional weight of the film, which his character is entirely incapable of.

New characters on the X-Men side include a more fully featured Colossus, and Shadowcat. Colossus has made it onto the team, but he has, perhaps, a total of three lines. He's scenery. Shadowcat fares only slightly better. A contrived storyline introducing her as somebody Rogue can be jealous of about IceMan has about 5 minutes total devoted to it, but since we know almost nothing about Shadowcat, the whole thing falls flat. Beast is the best introduced of the new characters, and Kelsey actually manages to evoke the character of the Beast to a tee. However, he is generally an exposition piece, and allowed only the most cliche'd dialogue, which invariably falls flat. Worst off is Angel. Featured on movie posters and made a big deal of, Angel does almost NOTHING in the movie. He is present for no fights, almost no exposition atall, and wanders in and out of the story with the only need for his existance being a reason for the cure to be developed in the story.

Magneto returns successfully, and despite Ian MacKellen's excellent acting, Magneto is oddly out of character several times in the piece. The only other returning 'Evil Mutant' is Mystique, who serves to do some exposition and be a little cool before getting removed from the story entirely by the cure. Pyro's story continues beneath Magneto, but is given little attention, and generalized at best. Any rivalry between himself and Ice Man is borrowed from previous films, as it is given almost no time here.

The Brotherhood's additions are nameless power-wielders for the most part. The only person given even a NAME is Juggernaut, and he is given no clues as to his motivation within the script. Everyone else is a nameless follower of Magneto's will, and an excuse to have a special effect in the film.

The major cruxes of our story are the Phoenix, and the Cure. I'll start with the latter. The cure comes from a little boy whose DNA can be used to remove the mutant genome for good. Some mutants want the cure, and some don't. The important revelations this item should cause are ignored. We're given no scenes where the Beast deeply considers if this is an answer for him. Storm can only blindly feel one way about it. Rogue accepts the cure so she can touch Bobby (presumably to keep Shadowcat from getting him). This decision is discussed only once, and without a bit of pathos. The motions are there, but there is no emotional content to back them up. In the end, the cure is just one weapon against mutants in the film, which is a waste.

More obnoxious is the Phoenix. Jean, it is revealed, is an extremely powerful mutant, capable of controlling all matter at will. The Professor had previously helped restrain her power so she would not be ruled by it. One good conversation comes out of this, about power and responsability between X and Wolverine. The rest of the time, Phoenix falls between being a murderous-for-no-good-reason powerhouse, and standing around looking tense.

A crappy Wolverine fight, numerous deaths and depowerments later, we hid the climax: Magneto's mutant army assault on Alcatraz (where the boy with the cure is). The X-Men arrive to stop him, and their plan is STAND IN A LINE. The 'Last Stand' referred to in the title. Is not awe-inspiring. It is ridden with cliches, poor action, and almost no engaging content. Magneto's out of character shenanigans reach their peak in this scene. The Phoenix, meant to be cool, ends up as just one more thing for Wolverine to slice down.

You'll note that, in this review, I have been devastatingly critical of this film. That's because it has wronged me as a fan of the previous films. Everything falls flat to mediocrity for this final story. Good, entertaining concepts are swept by to get to entirely useless exposition, and plot holes are huge. Nobody mourns Cyclops, but Xavier gets a headstone in ten seconds after his demise. Angel can fly accross the continental US almost as fast as a jet. You'd use the cure on your worst enemy, violating the precepts of your own beleif system, and NOT use it on your good friend driven crazy by her powers.

In almost every instance, the movie makes the wrong dramatic decision, and tries to impress by pandering.

For fans of the X-Men movie series or comic books or films, wait for DVD. This film IS watchable (despite all I've said), but I had to vent my frustrations with it.