Double Review: Monster House AND Lady in the Water

Sometimes, Martin goes to the movies. Sometimes, he just buys a whole bunch of tickets, and watches whatever he can get away with. So was born the double review for...

Rant at the Screen! (Duplex Edition)

Today's movies are Monster House and Lady in the Water.

Mind you, I saw these films at a slightly different theater than usual - the Sam's Town cinema down on Boulder Highway. This theater, dear god, is the home to 9/10 of the people I usually don't see in my fair city. The home-rentin'/trailer livin' Upper-lower class o' America, and their 900 on their SAT LOL progeny. I had a thorough commentary for each film, which there was nothing to do about. Still, all that said, I had a good time. So, our films...

Monster House, brought to us by Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemekis. Now there's some production names. We proceed to get introduced to the life of your average 11-13 year old, complete with the useless babysitter, her obnoxious/abusive boyfriend, your idiot best friend, and the angry old man accross the street. The film mainly follows DJ and his friend Chowder (along with romantic interest/smart girl Jenny) on a mission to destroy an evil, person-eating house before Halloween night.

The film is well animated, the voices are all talents (the main cast aside, cameos are filled by folks like Jason Lee, Josh Heder, Fred Willard, and a tour de force by Steve Buscemi). The simple story takes a couple of nice turns before the very end. The amusement in the film exists on two levels. The children pick up on the obvious physical humor and violence, but extends onto an entirely different level for some amazingly hinted-at adult jokes (hidden within mundane dialogue).

In the end, I give it 4 out of 5 jars full of questionable liquid.

Lady in the Water is the latest by M Night Shyamalan, and is the first to feature absolutely no twist ending (Yeah!). The film is a modern-day, urban fairy-tale with examinations of the myth throughout. Cleveland Heap maintains the Cove, an apartment complex where strange things are afoot. Everyone in this film is extremely bizarre (not Mirrormask strange, but the sort of oddity you see in every day life), but their strangeness grounds this film in it's own surreality. Without much effort, we begin to accept the premise, and its consequences. Also included is a meta-examination of the fairy-tale cliches, which impact on the story. And last of all, an extremely threatening creature, who is at least as scary as the sprinklers in the film.

I'm torn on this one, because like all of M Night's movies, you'll either love this one, or find your own brand of confusion when you walk out. I really enjoyed the film, but recognizing that I love it because I enjoy post-modern analysis of fairy tales, I give it four out of five giant owls.

What's next in the review-box? Clerks 2, Little Miss Sunshine, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, A Scanner Darkly, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, and The Descent. God, am I gonna be busy. And, can't forget... Snakes on a Plane.

A Shoggoth on the Roof: Brilliant!

Long coveted by me, I was able to get my hands on a copy of A Shoggoth on the Roof. One part Fiddler on the Roof, brought together with several horrible amounts of HP Lovecraft. It's joyous! Musical theater meets the squamous!

Dr. Armitage is trying to marry off his three daughters, and circumstance and mistake cause a fued between Herbert West (The Re-animator!) and Wilbur Whateley (younger brother of the Dunwich horror). By the end, all Cthulhu has broken out... I suggest it to anybody who has recognized almost anything I've talked about here.

The Big Vacation Part 1

As warned, I went on vacation. And what a vacation it was! Full of triumph, tragedy, and terrors unknown to the ken of most. As it stands, the whole thing went very well, with a few exceptions.

Tuesday- I get the glass repaired in the front-right window of my car. This is a joy. I gladly vacuum the shards from the seat and beneath it (and anywhere else the stuff managed to migrate). I even find out work will reimbursh me for the damage to the window because I was on the job when it happened. Just have to wait for that check to come in, and life is peaches and cream again.

Wednesday - We hit the road. By we I mean... myself, Derrick (older buddy, works at Borders, little hung up on the ladies), and Brent (game and art-loving co-planner of adventure). We're on the road by 5:30 in the morning, and never have to slow down. Our first stop is Magic Mountain.

MM is celebrating their 50th year, and they have a new ride: Tatsu. This ride is awesome. They strap you into shoulder harnesses, then orient you parallel to the ground. The whole ride has you spinning and twisting in the closest thing I've ever felt to flight. Whole thing is completely smooth, and a real joy to be on. Hit all the good stuff in the park (Xtreme, Deja Vu, Goliath, Scream), and saw a very-cool Chinese Acrobat show and mediocre Batman Stunt Show. (Derrick and I are also fairly certain we saw Corbin Berson from LA Law). Also, due to poor foot support, I about managed to destroy my feet. But still, I got through the day. We retire to the hotel (after some confusion about where it is, exactly), and have just enough time to sleep to get started the next day.

Thursday - Universal Studios is in easy less-than-an-hour away. We arrive totally ready to go. The Mummy Ride is awesome (and this is my first time on it!), and several of the shows had been revamped since the last time I'd been (especially the special effects stage, Waterworld, and Shrek 4D). Still, it surprises me at exactly how small it really is. Lots of fun had, still, and pictures taken. Also picked up my glorious-new Snakes on a Plane t-shirt.

Back at the hotel, hilarity ensued. A toilet managed to get plugged, and comments about it are still ensuing today. I was the hero - the only man who could walk to the front desk and get a plunger.

Friday-Sunday - The San Diego Comic Con. The show was absolutely massive. Three days spent, and I'm fairly certain I didn't come close to seeing everything. I attended a few panels (mostly to hear about Hellboy Animated and Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, among other things), but there was no shortage of cool, one-of-a-kind swag to be had. Tons of strange folks in all sorts of outfits, and even got to meet somebody I knew only over the interwebs. I may cover all this in more detail later, but it's some of the most fun I've had being an absolute geek in a long time.

By Sunday night, we were back home, safe and sound. And surprisingly, there was pretty much zero drama the entire trip. Vacations are awesome.

My Gorram Car

So, maybe somebody knows the answer to this one. What happens when you get a new car?

Something happens to it.

My car was broken into last Thursday, and I've been too stressed out to even acknowledge it without venom in my voice. Everytime I look at it, I get upset all over again. ARGH.

What did they break into my car for? A cupholder full of change. Left the CDs, which is nice of them, considering... But argh. New window.

And Now, A Musical Interlude

o/' You can have my autograph
I think I'll sign it "In Love, To You"
But should I sign it, just for you?

Stairway to the Stars!
I think I'll write "Good health, To You"
Stairway to the stars!
We got better things to do.

You can drive my motorcar
It's insured to thirty thou.
Kill them all, if you wish.

Stairway to the Stars!
I think I'll write "Good health, To You"
Stairway to the stars!
We got better things to do.

You can have my autograph.
I think I'll sign it "Good Health, To You"
On the cast, your broken arm

Stairway to the Stars!
I think I'll write "Good health, To You"
Stairway to the stars!
I hope you heal up real quick.

Stairway to the Stars!
Stairway to the Stars!
Stairway to the Stars! o/'

"Stairway to the Stars" by Blue Oyster Cult.

Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest

Martin goes to the movies. Sometimes, he sees good ones. But did he this time? Find out, on...

Rant at the Screen

The best movie ever made based on a Disney theme park. Enthralling action/adventure on the high seas. Swordplay, undead pirates, and an Aztec curse. It all comes together to capture the imagination of the movie-going audience. But will the sequel woo us? Can it?

Director Gore Verbinski is like a commercially minded Terry Gilliam. The man knows how to take something utterly fantastic and make it seem believable. His previous work (like The Ring) has always commanded the senses. His has a high action and energy style, with even a completely farsical situation coming together and being enjoyable. This lends itself well to our film, PotC:DMC.

Our story continues the tale of Cap'n Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, and Elizabeth Swann. However, everybody else is back, too! Commadore Norrington figures prominently, as does Elizabeth's father Governor Swann. New characters abound, including the amazing Captain Jones and his sea-faring crew, as well as the infamous Dutch-East India Trading Company. The flavor of this movie is somewhat darker, as many of the major personalities end up playing against each other to win the day.

The best new feature of the film is Davy Jones. Jones is 100% CGI (and 110% Bill Nighy!), but you can't tell. He looks... Real. Like he's standing with the men and women around him. He is at once horrible and tragic. He also holds the biggest weapon in the seas, a massive sea-beast called "the kraken."

All the action set pieces are marvelously delivered, the dialogue witty (if a bit reliant on you rememberingt he first film), and things move with an expertly crafted flow. I can only quibble with the movie on the basest levels, as I was thoroughly entertained throughout.

The ending, however, presents a scene so shocking, so 'bwuh!?', our audience had to relent and cheer. I can not spoil this.

I give the movie SIX out of five Jolly Rogers.

Weekend Review

The Fourth of July weekend. Headed up to Stockton to see the folks and assume financial responsibility. Took over a car from my little sister, and left my dying heap of a Maxima there. I brought along Guitar Hero, and introduced my little sister to the joy of pretending to play guitar.

My older sister and her husband are not impressing me. They wanted to get some cash out of me based on something which was a gift, which I gave favors to help them out to receive. AFTER ignoring the fact they screwed over my little sister on a car deal (which is why I have to help my folks in the first place, I suspect). Agh.

Hung out with my dad quite a bit, including some lessons in driving stick shift (my first one! awesome stuff). Got a lot of driving done between Stockton and Las Vegas, and figured out I made a great choice. 2001 Mazda Tribute. Only problem: the CD player doesn't want to play burned CDs. Very picky. I don't think it's gonna last very long like that...

All in all, things are looking up. I'll have more in this space, but I have to break this up for a movie review! So, hang onto your hats.