Rant at the Screen: Rapid Fire

Sometimes, Martin goes to the movies. SOMETIMES... he doesn't update his website. But then he catches up! I give you...

Rant at the Screen: RAPID FIRE!

The Descent

Six friends and relatives go on a spelunking trip in the Appalachians, and get a bit more than they bargained for. Freaking awesome. Once the scary starts, it never stops. Claustrophobic, close, and meaty. Manages to take nothing-much monsters and make them seem worthwhile. Great direction, and plenty-decent acting. I give it five out of five cave-dwelling monsters.

Clerks 2

Two thirty-something guys continue a terrible life of retail and pop culture references while trying to find the solution to their humdrum existence. Funny stuff here for Kevin Smith fans (but who else would come?). It stands easily the equal of Clerks, but now possesses Smith's well-tuned passion for verbal sparring and sight gags. For the Smith-lover, it's four out of five grunts (I heard it- a great, a deep inhalation of oxygen!).

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Will Farrell is a race car driver. But the hits do not stop there. The longer the movie goes, the more ridiculous things become. Which is, naturally, the point. Things are pretty straightlaced parody through Ricky's crash, at which point it turns into a really strong character driven (if insane characters) story. Everybody gets a lot of incredible lines, and it works out just fine, even through the structured ending. Fans of Anchorman may be put off by what appears to be a story. Nonfans still won't like Will Farrell, no matter what he does. I give it four out of five friends stealing your wife and house.

SNAKES ON A PLANE

In an attempt to kill a witness, motherf#$%ing snakes are released on a motherf@#$ing plane over the ocean on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles. Only Samuel L Jackson can battle them. This movie was reshot with an R rating in mind, and earns the rating multiple times. The big draw of the movie is seeing a bunch of charicatures get attacked by snakes, and the film never fails to deliver in this regard. Staggered with purposeful hilarity in places, this is one of the better popcorn movies of the summer. I give it FIVE out of FIVE Snakes on a Plane!

The Pulse

A mysterious signal is killing people. This movie had no idea how to do what it wanted to do (scare people). It had two or three good ideas, but fell apart faster than the end of a King novel. Nothing truly inspiring or original happens during the entire 80 minute run (as it turns out, the trailer gave away more than every good scene the movie contained). I give it one out of five mysterious stains.

What's next for Rant at the Screen?

Beerfest, Crank, The Wicker Man, School for Scoundrels