California Bound

This weekend, I'll be appearing in Stockton, CA performing random acts of profanity. Driving up on Friday, coming back Tuesday.

Forecast: roads filled with millions of similarly minded losers.
Entertainment: BOC, Sabbath, TMBG, Weird Al, whatever else is in the car.
Presumed high point: New car
Presumed low point: Old Sister touches my hard earned money.
Estimated Number of explosions: 2

Movie Review: Superman Returns

Sometimes, Martin goes to the movies. Often, he reviews these movies, and passes judgment on their insignificant performances. We call them...

Rant at the Screen

Today's movie is Superman Returns. I'm going to preface this review a bit, as I tend to do. I have never seen the original Superman movies in their entirity. I've caught bits of them on television, but never the whole thing. So my conception of the Donner/Reeve films is just about nonexistant. And you folks know how I feel about Kevin Spacey. So there we go. Review is on.

Out of the two major superhero movies this summer, Superman Returns is the better of the two. Not afraid to embrace large dramatic sequences or comedy subtle or not so subtle, it really is a big blockbuster-summer type of film. Over the top is almost all regards.

This Routh guy handles Superman as capably and naturally as I've ever seen. His silly Clark Kent compares well to his genial and sometimes stoic Superman. Lois is also well turned in, with lots of opportunities to show regret, scorn, bereavement... I'm not certain if it's the "Lois Lane" movie some claim, but she figures well into the plot (as well she should). Jimmy is his 1950's enthused self to the core (and despite what some reviewers say, his battery powered camera would not function in a blackout). Perry White is fun. Marsden spends his time as Perry's nephew, and is a great foil to the dorky Kent and Superman. He even gets a fun seaplane adventure! But the villains... oh, the villains.

Lex is awesome. Heartless, cruel, imaginative, and scheming. His plan is good, and he executes well. Even his sidekick Kitty gets a scene or two of awesomeness. Even the freaking DOG has a laugh surrounding it.

I guess, in the end, I only have one real complaint about the movie. Once again, Superman's greatest enemy is a guy. Granted, Lex proves himself capable, and his plan fails through no real fault of his own (which is refreshing).

Flying, Smallville, humor, fun, and cannibal dogs. Just what ever Superman movie needs!

I give it four out of five kryptonite shards.

The Evil Power of Spacey-Luthor

There is a dangerous problem one can have when creating a villain. They can make him too cool. The villain doesn't have to respond to situations with morals or ethics, and is essentially free to be a total bastard. Why? He's the villain. His obligation is to make us hate him. Well. Kevin Spacey DOES villains. Anthony Hopkins DOES villains. Villains like Hans Gruber can elevate the hero to iconic levels. But sometimes, the villain just becomes to inherantly cool, he overshadows the hero entirely.

So, Super-Man Returns features my favorite new brand of Spacey: Luthor. Lex Luthor is a brilliant man who feels that Metropolis is his city. Super Man doesn't take to that, so naturally, the two must go at it until someone loses. Luthor has to try and best Supe's noticeable power advantage with cunning, wit, and ruthless exploitation of his foe's weaknesses. Gene Hackman played a very charismatic Luthor, but I feel that Spacey will bring to the table a massively intelligent and loathesome character. So much so, in fact, I anticipate rooting for Lex.

Kick his ass, Spacey-Luthor. You've earned it.

Frankenbummer

I just got the word at work that our board of governors are going to be made to vote on some issues of importance. One of these issues surrounds the State Bar's use of technology. Particularly the evil that is internet-filtering.

I would be in charge of this. I would be the man.

Except, I think the internet should be for everyone. Censorship is wrong. And I'd be the censor! I don't like this. But if someone had to be in charge of it, I guess it should be me. Someone who doesn't like censorship is going to give the fairest shake to every user.

Still. I hope this gets knocked out by somebody.

[edit] A little more about this. I like a company with style. Google has style. Apple has style. They're not afraid to be a little funny, or push a good idea. I endeavor to approach my work in a method that echoes the sorts of business I want to deal with. Censorship is abominable.

I joke with my boss, and we often get things done with flair, confidence, and a little style. I don't want to sit on my user-base as the head censor. It's got no style.

Movie Review: Nacho Libre

Sometimes, Martin goes to the movies. In this place, he sees films. He reviews them. They end up on...

Rant at the Screen

Today's film is Nacho Libre. There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who can say 'Gosh!' all day, and those who want to hit Napolean Dynamite with a brick. I'm sure Nacho Libre will form a third faction: those who think that after Napolean, this director/writer will have jumped the shark. I say unto these people... "I hate all the orphans in the world!"

Just as quotable, we follow the story of a Mexican friar. In his youth, he dreamed of joining the ranks of Lucha Libre, the mexican wrestling circuit. However, he grew up to become the cook of the missionary church that raised him, and now serves badly cooked stew to all the orphans. When a beautiful nun moves into the church, he finds the courage to do something for his orphans: get them enough money to eat. How? The local Lucha Libra competition. Joining together with a street-dwelling atheist ("I only believe in science."), they embark on a journey into the crazy world of mexican wrestling.

Every line is delivered in a bumbling style. Every character in the story has something weird, crazy, and possibly just plain stupid going on. But every little joke pays off in the end. Whether it's a love of flavored corn or being attacked by hungry midgets, it's the same good laugh. Especially good are the moments of slapstick among the absurdity.

A lot of absurdity.

So... I give it 4 out of 5 GOSHes.

Superman?!

Show my 'S', eh...?



Suck it, Superman.

Sir Blogsalot

Alrighty folks. Blogging is a lot like fun, or so I've realized recently. So this is a blog about blogging (blogtastic!).

We've got Nacho Libre coming up this weekend, and I'll probably see that (so expect a review Monday).

My boss is going to bat for me with a new executive director at the State Bar, so I may soon have benefits. Will let you folks know how that goes.

I've finalized plans for a vacation in July. 19th, I'll be at Six Flags. 20th, I'll be at Universal Studios. 21-24, I'll be in San Diego for the comic con.

If I had to leave you with a thought for the future, it would be this. I sing poorly. This has not kept me from getting drunk and belting out hits like "Symphony of Destruction", "Burnin' For You", or "Dead Man's Party" to minor support. I should never, EVER, be allowed to touch the Beatles, however.

The Awfulness

Today, I had to drop off a couple animals at the shelter. We just didn't have space for the poor kitties, and we wanted a better life for them. As I came in with the carriers, a man stared at me, and the conversation proceeded...

Him: "Catch them on your property?"

Me: "No, they were mine."

Him: "You know what's going to happen to them?"

Me: "Yeah, and it sucks."

Him: [disgruntled, and walks away]

Me: [full of self loathing before any of this happened]

This sucks. It's a no kill center, with adoptions, and everything, but I still feel scummy. But having everything smell like urine sucks, too.

Movie Review: Cars

Sometimes, Martin goes to the movies. Oft Times, he'll REVIEW these movies. We call it...

Rant At the Screen

Pixar makes good movies. Seeing a Pixar film reminds you of what a good movie LOOKS like. I don't know what a bad movie, or even just an okay movie looks like from Pixar. Never seen one. So, enter Cars.

Cars has been compared with "Doc Hollywood", and there is a little basis for that comparison. A basic rundown of the plot will tell you the same. Lightneen McQueen, rookie spotster, is competing for the Piston Cup, hoping to be the first rookie to win it in his first year. All he really cares about is self-aggrandizement. After a freak accident, he becomes trapped in the town of Radiator Springs on decrepit Route 66, and learns lessons about life, morales, love, and picks up tricks on how he can really win the Piston Cup. Cliche'd story, and we've all seen it in one form or another.

Cars is long. Two hours of film. The racing segments span about half an hour on each end, with an hour long bit devoted to the second act. We're given plenty of time to cozy up to the small-town ideals, and witness some real travesty of neglect. Things are actually evocative. Even the voice actors! Owen Wilson carries himself well, finding the same sincerity he possessed in Wedding Crashers and bringing it to good use. The real surprise in embodied in LARRY THE CABLE GUY (I never thought I would type this). He brings a ton of heart into the film, and the lion's share of the laughs.

Every bit of the "city hero who finds a better life among rural folk" is here, from the forgotten mentor, the city girl gone to the country, to the decay of rural America montage. What makes this film better than it's peers, however, is that EVERY cliche is used to maximum effect, and feels effortless and natural. Almost no bits seem tacked on.

Go see this film. I give it five out of five Pixar films.

Movie Review: The Omen (2006)

Sometimes, Martin goes to the movies. Occasionally, we collect his thoughts for a section we like to call...

Rant at the Screen

Today's movie is the Omen (2006). The Omen exists as a part of the 'evil child trifecta' with Rosemary's Baby and the Exorcist. Unlike the Exorcist series, I hadn't plumbed the previous cinematic effort of the Omen, so this was my first experience with it. However, the story of Damien isn't exactly a secret after 30 years.

The real problem with the story is how it relies on the audience not knowing that Damien is the son of the devil. Everything would be that much scarier if the horrible truth was not already known at the outset. It should be noted that this is the only truly significant problem in the movie. If you turn off the part of your brain that goes "he's the debil!", things become much easier to accept.

As a quick summary, Robert Thorn is an American ambassador to Italy. His wife, Katherine Thorn, lives with him in Rome, and is due to deliver her baby on June 6th. When informed that his wife's baby was stillborn, and that she is not doing well, Robert makes the decision to take a parentless baby they have in his stead.

The narrative quickly moves as Robert becomes the ambassador to Great Britain and their new London residence, and we advance Damien in age several years. Through dream sequences we understand Katherine's increasing anxiety with their son, and Robert is warned to take actions by a priest who winds up dead. Robert's journey to discover Damien's origins, and Katherine's terrified interaction with Damien and his nanny (the absolutely evil Mia Farrow), actually set up several very tense scenes. Robert's return home is especially climactic, leading to at least one cheer-worthy hit.

Now, I got a dissenting opinion on this film already... apparantly, some audiences are laughing at it. I don't know what's so funny (for once). After seeing mistake-fests like Ultraviolet and Silent Hill this year, I found The Omen to be surprisingly deep and engaging.

So why are people laughing at the Omen? The story is still scary, but best watched as a mystery, where the truth is slowly untangled and revealed. The deaths in the film have more emotional weight than being visually striking. Unlike the Exorcist where the powers of hell are in your face, he acts through agents, signs, and dreams.

If you like a good suspense or mystery film where the devil gets his due, this IS worth seeing on the screen. I'd give it 4 out of 5 points on a pentagram.

Movie Review: X-Men 3

Frequently, Martin will go to the movies. We collect his thoughts on these ventures for a little section we like to call...

Rant at the Screen

Today's movie is X-Men 3. Since it's been out for about a month, I figure anybody who would be worried about spoilers will have seen it already. So please, consider this movie to be spoiler-loaded, and incredibly biased.

X-3 continues the delightful story of a group of powered social outcasts dealing with the loss of a teammate, group bonding, as well as a new cure for mutants. Director Brett Ratner said in interviews that he really wanted to follow previous X-Movie director Bryan Singer, and really not make this one too much in his own style. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it has done absolutely nothing for this film.

The movie goes through the motions of what an X-Movie could be about, but gets caught up in the effort of trying to be cool or dramatic. There is no timing, no pathos, no draw or meaningful revelations set down by our characters. The movie becomes 'Wolverine and his Uncanny Friends, featuring Storm' very early on.

Of the returning characters among the heroes, the strongest roles once again come down to Professor X and Wolverine. Storm is expanded into a major character at the cost of Cyclops, who is almost entirely cut out of the movie by his character's death at the hands of the reborn Phoenix (Jean Gray to you movie-watchers). I'll deal with Phoenix in her own paragraph later. Cyclops doesn't make it out of the first reel, but manages to convey emotion more steadily than ANY other character in the film. Second to him in the believability department is Professor X, who is similarly offed. This leaves Wolverine to carry the emotional weight of the film, which his character is entirely incapable of.

New characters on the X-Men side include a more fully featured Colossus, and Shadowcat. Colossus has made it onto the team, but he has, perhaps, a total of three lines. He's scenery. Shadowcat fares only slightly better. A contrived storyline introducing her as somebody Rogue can be jealous of about IceMan has about 5 minutes total devoted to it, but since we know almost nothing about Shadowcat, the whole thing falls flat. Beast is the best introduced of the new characters, and Kelsey actually manages to evoke the character of the Beast to a tee. However, he is generally an exposition piece, and allowed only the most cliche'd dialogue, which invariably falls flat. Worst off is Angel. Featured on movie posters and made a big deal of, Angel does almost NOTHING in the movie. He is present for no fights, almost no exposition atall, and wanders in and out of the story with the only need for his existance being a reason for the cure to be developed in the story.

Magneto returns successfully, and despite Ian MacKellen's excellent acting, Magneto is oddly out of character several times in the piece. The only other returning 'Evil Mutant' is Mystique, who serves to do some exposition and be a little cool before getting removed from the story entirely by the cure. Pyro's story continues beneath Magneto, but is given little attention, and generalized at best. Any rivalry between himself and Ice Man is borrowed from previous films, as it is given almost no time here.

The Brotherhood's additions are nameless power-wielders for the most part. The only person given even a NAME is Juggernaut, and he is given no clues as to his motivation within the script. Everyone else is a nameless follower of Magneto's will, and an excuse to have a special effect in the film.

The major cruxes of our story are the Phoenix, and the Cure. I'll start with the latter. The cure comes from a little boy whose DNA can be used to remove the mutant genome for good. Some mutants want the cure, and some don't. The important revelations this item should cause are ignored. We're given no scenes where the Beast deeply considers if this is an answer for him. Storm can only blindly feel one way about it. Rogue accepts the cure so she can touch Bobby (presumably to keep Shadowcat from getting him). This decision is discussed only once, and without a bit of pathos. The motions are there, but there is no emotional content to back them up. In the end, the cure is just one weapon against mutants in the film, which is a waste.

More obnoxious is the Phoenix. Jean, it is revealed, is an extremely powerful mutant, capable of controlling all matter at will. The Professor had previously helped restrain her power so she would not be ruled by it. One good conversation comes out of this, about power and responsability between X and Wolverine. The rest of the time, Phoenix falls between being a murderous-for-no-good-reason powerhouse, and standing around looking tense.

A crappy Wolverine fight, numerous deaths and depowerments later, we hid the climax: Magneto's mutant army assault on Alcatraz (where the boy with the cure is). The X-Men arrive to stop him, and their plan is STAND IN A LINE. The 'Last Stand' referred to in the title. Is not awe-inspiring. It is ridden with cliches, poor action, and almost no engaging content. Magneto's out of character shenanigans reach their peak in this scene. The Phoenix, meant to be cool, ends up as just one more thing for Wolverine to slice down.

You'll note that, in this review, I have been devastatingly critical of this film. That's because it has wronged me as a fan of the previous films. Everything falls flat to mediocrity for this final story. Good, entertaining concepts are swept by to get to entirely useless exposition, and plot holes are huge. Nobody mourns Cyclops, but Xavier gets a headstone in ten seconds after his demise. Angel can fly accross the continental US almost as fast as a jet. You'd use the cure on your worst enemy, violating the precepts of your own beleif system, and NOT use it on your good friend driven crazy by her powers.

In almost every instance, the movie makes the wrong dramatic decision, and tries to impress by pandering.

For fans of the X-Men movie series or comic books or films, wait for DVD. This film IS watchable (despite all I've said), but I had to vent my frustrations with it.